“…I don’t even know if church was the place for these kinds of ideas, but I detected a new story with this one. There had to be…” (Previously)
As the service progressed, I concentrated to an extent, I am sure it was not 100%. However hard I tried, I got lost in thought… But I was keen to watch her every move. I did not think I could forget her voice. But after we left church that day, life progressed as usual without any much activity or difference…
It continued but things were different. So now, my friend Mark could not let me rest, every time there was an opportunity, he could push me to see this lady in a different light. On the other hand, I had other intentions. According to what I believed, I did not see her as anything beyond a friend. I actually had doubts about whether I could actually make it to be friends. She looked way out of my reach from the word go. Let us start from the spiritual aspect for starters. As much as I wanted a lady who was God fearing and had a committed journey and relationship going with the Lord, I was okay… I was however not prepared for this level of spiritual maturity.
There is something I have never understood with my life, and/ or the people I meet – it is so weird. So, so, weird. Whenever, I saw a person (strangers) who had something unique, someone who just looked out of place, or someone I liked for some reason, something told me that at some point, we would get to know each other and we would bond and become great friends. Initially, it just happened to be something I let go. A few of such encounters are like those of Liam, my family and partners from Laicom, and two ladies from the Kenya Institute of Management, who we became friends after such an encounter. It is like a weird super instinct. A combination of intuition and law of attraction in some way. In this case, the lady who was singing at the front, had a unique character, had a unique ‘air’ around her, and I had a feeling that someday, I would get to know her in depth. However, this depth would never go beyond friendship. At this time, I believed I had already found the right lady for me. I only needed some courage maybe and nudge to just make that commitment. You know, before it would have been an issue of that lady looks like they can make a good girlfriend, but now I was not interested in relationships za girls and boys, I was looking for a wife. Even if it meant skipping the basics. I had read enough worldly knowledge to convince me that at my age and level in life, my wife would be coming from the people I have met in my X years. So this one even if our paths would cross, it would just be a friend.
The lady that I had in mind was not even from around…. Well, she was from around my home area and the like, but there was something about her and the signals that she was sending kind of gave me the signals that I needed, to be convinced that this lady was the lady to be with. Let me stop being vague. Dorcas is the lady I was convinced was meant to be my wife. Maybe I read too much into it, but I could not help feeling that she was my wife. I could not be convinced otherwise, so I continued cultivating my relationship with the home girl. I was sure that this was the relationship that I had been waiting for and working towards. By ‘working towards’ I mean, I was also on a personal journey to be someone’s answered prayer – you know synchronizing those biblical husband material traits with my system. Actually, I had been living it all that time. The signs were all green… or so I thought. She qualified. Dorcas qualified.
The home-girl factor was engraved on my mind like the portrait of the head of state on a coin. This is the card that I used to play whenever Mark could bring up the story of the praise and worship girl. I was actually very comfortable evading her topic and any related matters.
“Huyo dame ako sawa wewe ndio unakataa…”
“Apana Mark, huyo dame ata simjui, sina hiyo miaka ya kumjua… Dorcas nimeinvest tumiaka kadhaa so kuna vile that is my candidate of choice…”
“Chris, wewe huoni vile naona, huoni ukiwa na praise worshiper kwa hao? *laughs* Angalia mahali tuko mahali tumetoka na mahali tunaenda?…”
“”Dorcas kwanza tunapatana kesho, just in, and she has goodies, ha ha ha hio mambo ya dame singer haiko kabisaaa… ”
This conversation would start again in a different context; it would start from as random as house searches, to baby counts to hobbies…. I never had it easy. Then I decided to rest this issue once and for all. So I decided to step up my game a notch higher, sprinkle in there some confidence to the work in progress that I was towards ‘husband material certified’, and face the lady I hoped/ I wished/ I assumed/ I had mentored/ I had qualified… to be my wife and tell her I was done sitting around and discussing every other thing in the world, and it was time to discuss a family and a future.
Let’s discuss qualifications, huh? You know how every man has a list of what they would be considering for a life partner? Well this time round it was more than just love. Unlike in my first relationship where I wanted to marry the lady just because I was in love (I was 20) and I wanted to settle down because afande said with money and a girl, settling is good, lest all the hard earned money from war would go to waste on wine & women. Advance a few years to that and the list is longer and more sophisticated. At this point, I knew what I wanted in a wife. That means I have also decided I need to be a particular type of a man because these ladies are not just given to randoms. But my list as hinted above was simply composed of; God fearing, committed, working the spiritual maturity in commitment and devotion and the like. Relax, I wasn’t all that spiritual, the flesh had it’s own qualifications as well. I envisioned a respectfully dressed, lady wearing long beautiful, (Once in a while kitenge) dresses covering all, some level of control in her ways. You know those outfits that make you feel guilty just from trying to imagine things… The lady had to be brought well in a nice family, a family I would be comfortable with myself – a family was one of the tell-tale signs ‘for me’ as well of a well brought up lady. Therefore, with this to run away with, Dorcas was the perfect match for me and I was going ahead with it.
‘To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.’
With Dorcas, we had been friends for a long time. She was younger than I was, we loved each other’s company – please note… we loved each other’s company (I was not sure about the other aspect especially on her part at this particular point). Our parents were friends, we were all like brothers and sisters (do not overthink this tafadhali). For 3 years or so, we met on all kinds of dates. However, in the last one year towards this, we met at least every week. On worst case scenarios, after two weeks except when any one of us had traveled. As both of us were growing spiritually, this last one year was particularly special because it is when we had gotten deeper with the word of God and our dates were more of fellowships and sessions of contemplation and just sharing testimonies. This was my ideal family. You know, me being the high priest of the home ahem and the nice Dorcas being the helper and everything else the word of God says. I was ready to be like Christ here as He was to the church – very ready. Various things on a superficial level were confirming to me that this was the person I was meant to be with. One was the fact that our bond was growing more spiritually than physically. Though I was growing in attraction to her, I was too deep in respect and maintaining my own purity that I never even thought of touching her in any way, – until marriage. Again, since I had already ‘qualified her’, I was going to protect her purity and mine until we got married. (“Our Purity,” nilikuwa nishajijazia – Faith my friends) That is what God wanted of us and we were going to do this God’s way! People!!! I had already seen a wife in this one.
So now here was Dorcas, all the lights were a steady green and then suddenly another distraction appears from a place I knew not. Being the over thinker I am, I convinced myself after a long period of reflection that the praise and worship lady was a diversion. It did not matter that she was standing at the pulpit. No… She was a distraction. So without telling anyone, I decided I am going to ‘pseudo-propose’. We were friends, and I needed to make it clear now that we are done having coffee’s et al. I just wanted to make it clear, rather, try negotiating a relationship that would lead to marriage – smart move right? I wanted us to be intentional with our friendship from that point moving forward. Otherwise, other girls will start popping from every corner and before I know it, choice paralysis would take over, my season would pass, and I would not have anyone to marry, or worst, settle for what the Lord did not intend for me… He said it in His Word…
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ‘
At this point, I figured, my future was in progress here…
To be continued.