Emotional, tears, man, crying, crying man.

Blessed October.

 

In the background is “for those who can wait” by Fireflight
It’s minimally coincidental . . . coz the stuff about to be poked down here are a result of a rare species of impatience and a concentrated solution of frustration . . . so as is done best will be vented as has been the routine of late.
I know we are supposed to always try to count our blessing, but why struggle keeping the little bitter courses of life in the darkness while we try to give them the tag of curses. Destiny versus fate. I try to expose my negatives coz they taught me how to make them the strengths of my life. I also love complaining. So being a part of the blood that flows within, I hereby pleasure myself with the memories of a weird month. A disappointing month, and my life’s month of heartbreak.
It is not easy at all to bring out the occurrences as they have been but the best will come.
The ten of ten of ten saw the end of a somewhat era of an emotional empire within when the empire ceased to run as smoothly as was anticipated. Dwarf Epic. This was also due to variables in nature of what was and the promised. Accident victims take time to recover because when all was perfect, all was going well, some flash of activity takes place that leaves one shocked, and injured for that matter. !@#”£$% this ain’t coming right. Again when events change quickly, we are easily overwhelmed and we lose control, okay, I lose control. I am in this alone. Re take, I lost control; I was in that alone, now that sounded better! Strength came through when I tried to move with the flow of events and gently channeled them in the right directions of my choice and own making. I tried to exploit the moment but it did not quite work out as I expected or anticipated. We cursed again **f*!
So the first saw the end of a relationship, the same month saw the worst month of an academic year as I did not understand a thing of the engineering components we were studying that month. And being the hardest and most important, a failure meant a transfer to the desert for further hands on training. The results should tell you. The same period oversaw the greatest loss I ever experienced in the history of my hustling. Some unrealistic losses at my age. Derailing my 25yr target for the billionaire status 😉 The mind kinda got detached from reality, paid too much attention to emotion and some very fatal mistakes were made. It hit me first hand the effects of being too emotionally involved as a man. The perfection and the energy that was spent & later turned out wasted in the emotional venture that I so convinced myself would win a Nobel, came to sweat it out in a series of mini catastrophes. . . for lack of a better description. Having been derailed in what I had accorded an important purpose in life, the rest of the carriages started following suit. Crumbling one by one, toppling off the rail that I had taken time and caution to build. Business, emotion, social, spiritual and all those other indirect and unseen aspects of life.
Stupidly analysed decisions started being made & the obvious road to hard bumps, bruises & knocks started. In the line of trying to prove points and trying to cover up for the emotional loss. It is what I could carry around with me. Only if the heart could be detached from the soul. There being no need to lie to myself and to the generations coming.
Then from that moment on, that month on, I categorized it a month of calamity. That is until further notice. Until another October comes through and erases the memories of that month. It was pretty sucking to rely on the forces of nature to direct or govern my path on this road to my destiny. Wish I had options. Okay I had options good one for that matter, but I chose them badly. But it was good in itself as well I learnt my fair share of lessons and went through great transformations as well. The all loving, the all holy, the all faithfull servant of nature became something else, a beast, an animal. In all the fields surrounding me. Not again will I live with the instinct of an all protected human being. That environment does not exist anymore in my nature. Even in real sense it does not exist. Its now the blended instinct of a total wild animal. Alertness, attentiveness, and speed. To the best of my ability. I never know when the predators will strike. Whatever it takes, I would rather be caught at being too careful than caught to the expense of too comfy a zone!
And then what happens to the main contributors of the October curse? Elimination would be  a perfect start. That part of the internal systems of feelings and emotions is long gone. Left in the human world. Its time to run wild and free “Yeee Balls Out!!!!” under own self control and not to the forces of nature or to part of the world. A new sunrise a new day. Then we come back to reality and realize that the stuff that was to be poked up there was to be a result of impatience and a concentrated solution of frustration . . . so as was done best has been.
Destiny versus fate? Yeah, nothing up there depicts that, it’s just another miscellany.
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