Total Cursing

It was one of those tight days which start by someone booking a flight to Mandera without your knowledge. It happens. It so happened that I was in a total financial dilemma. My exams were up in a weeks’ time and I had not cleared a Fee Balance of 10,000/- . Depending on your financial standings you can rate it as you wish . . . but that doesn’t matter anymore. So I get up, decide to start texting friends and asking for their help. It’s not that I was borrowing that cash for me to keep forever, or anything of that negative sort. I was to refund it for heaven’s sake! But I never felt as unworthy among my so highly accorded friendships as I did that painful week. So I sent the texts and packed my one day pack and headed to the hangar.
We have got pockets of mobile network uncovered ground above that North Eastern frontier and you can imagine the frustration of trying to hear the choked responses. Though I think it helped coz I would have gotten disappointed more. But it wasn’t over yet. Under Mandera’s heat, wind, dust and warm salty water, I was running mad. The thought of deferring my exams another 3 months was just ah ah . . . but as I kept moving, I kept engraving some lessons from this. Among which was self reliance. I would try my best to be reliant in all aspects. Not only financially but also in all others like even the most dreaded emotional, you can imagine the emotional turmoil I was going through coz I felt it was unfair for the people to be treating me as they were, I know it wasn’t their wish, but I do stretch for people, right. . .? It’s really hard for some people to help you when you are down. Let’s say that group you count on. I have millionaires in my network of friends but guess what, that little soft loan couldn’t come forth. I told myself that they are teaching me how to be strong and hard in these times. It’s okay. Then I had a duty to reduce my bitterness, which I am working on with some bit of emotions to shear as well. Otherwise if I had worked on that one, I wouldn’t be writing this.
I care too much about the world I guess, I feel bad when someone puts too much importance to their selves even when it’s not all about them, coz I think some individuals don’t just realize that! Okay now that ended there.  To be frank I don’t understand how it is easy to get someone out of their forewarned mess again and again and hard to lend with a genuine promise of return. Love beats all sense, where should I be placed really? Beat me with this when I get older. I really have to open my eyes and figure out the sense and the nonsense in feelings, emotions and human relation (And that’s why it has to be here as well) I believe all this is a cover up for something bigger. How hard is it to raise 10,000/-? The heat was really burning my brains. I should’ve been revising then.
So I decided to divide that amount. The 10k text became 5k text, and sent it to many people. I started thinking it was my selfishness. Was I really selfish? I’m yet to know that. Again I learned I had to stop being emotional, thinking emotional and all that other junk connected with emotional. Especially matters finance. I should fight to be thinking rationally always.
Bitterness might be getting me nowhere but it helps me realize a lot. Most of my ideas come out of it, or maybe that’s why they don’t work??? Always lamenting . . . Anyway Captain C.B always affords a smile even in adversity.
I had to pay for my weak friendship bonds so my last option was the bank . . . they saved my ass.

Last but not least for the desert lessons, I had put my spirituality aside and thus the loss of hope. That as well I have to work on. Again for once due to worry, I didn’t enjoy my flight, I didn’t enjoy the roast goat I overfed on, I didn’t visit my favorite spot. But that’s gone. Let’s look for another complaint.

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